Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
