I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
