Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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