Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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