Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
