she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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