you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
