I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.