Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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