I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
