I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
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Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.