i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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