I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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