I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
