I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
