so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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