why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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