It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
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he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The police scanner is talking about you again....
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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