Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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