Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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