I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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