Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
