i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
