I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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