Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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