Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
