girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
