Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
