you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
