Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize