The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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