***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
