He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
