so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
