i don't like sucking hair
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
