If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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