So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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