did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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