I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
