Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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