i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
