My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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