He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
