Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My ATM looks so different sober.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
