Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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