wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
