Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
