my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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