The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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