STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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