Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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