i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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