its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
