So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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