so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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