I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
