Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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