i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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