oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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