Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Randomize
