You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
