she woke up with a sticky ear
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
