I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Help. Why am I so naked?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
