Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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