So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
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i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
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I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize