just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
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we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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