dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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