is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
