i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
