Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
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Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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