He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
this hospital has no fireball
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
