We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I pour the whiskey from now on
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
