haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
