You're so nebulous sometimes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
