This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we're making bets on your personal life
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
