it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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