i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
bring money and cleavage
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We are all done wearing pants today
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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