do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
