I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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