god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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