Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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