I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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