i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
