His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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