He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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