Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
