I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She told me I should be a condom model.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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