Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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